But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
