i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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