You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
