My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
