who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Found your dick twin last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
