Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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