I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
