Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
