a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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