As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
A bitchslap is in order.
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