my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Apparently you make a good broom.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
