Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
