Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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