omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
