So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
