Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
