SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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