I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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