Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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