Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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