I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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