this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
