Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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