Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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