i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize