I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize