i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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