Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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