so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
