remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's blow job season.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
third nipple confirmed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
