Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
