This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wear drunk well.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
