SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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