Moan for me like Helen Keller
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
