were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize