What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
