I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize