Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
