i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
