Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
