Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
