We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize