speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
