so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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