My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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