Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
