I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
