giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
