You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
