the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
