YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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