Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
