You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
