I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
