yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
