dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
