he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
