I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
