..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
