So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
